You define you, not anyone else
1/19/2025
Each of us has our own challenges and our own unique circumstances. We are the only ones who know who we are. We are the only ones who know who we want to be. Because if this, it is important to remember that we are the only ones who can decide what life will make us proud of ourselves. What is it that you want in your life? What type of person would you be proud to be?
One of the hardest lessons that I am trying to learn is that other people cannot define me. They may not like who I am or the way that I am doing things but they are not me. They do not know where I have come from. They do not know what I have lived through. They don’t know what inner demons I am fighting. If they do not know any of these things about me, then why would I listen to their opinions of me?
After living my childhood, I was diagnosed with clinical anxiety, suicidal depression, and PTSD. I cannot count the number of times that I have been told that I cannot have PTSD because I was not in the military. I have been told by my own family that I cannot go into a depressive state without a reason, that something has to make me depressed. These statements put the blame back on me. They diminish my own emotions and tell me that I should not be feeling the way that I feel. But they do not live in my body or my mind, so they do not experience what I experience.
I was married to someone who constantly told me that they did not like who I was. I changed myself over and over for this person and it was never enough. There was always something else that they wanted. Then, one day, I realized that I would never be the person that they wanted me to be because they did not know who they wanted me to be. That was the day that I began working on who I was for myself.
I begin to work on my own growth and on becoming who I needed to be to. My partner still complained about who I was but they did not complain any more than they had before and they didn’t go anywhere. In full transparency, the relationship did end however it was because I had to leave to be my best self. I had to decide who I wanted to be and then work to become that person.
Today, I am choosing to block out all of the feedback from people who are not me. I am making the choice to become a person that I am proud to be and life I life that will be fulfilling for me. I invite you to join me in this. Forget how you mother tells you, you should live. Stop changing who you are because your partner doesn’t like it. Live to be your best self. Your mother’s best life is not yours. You are not responsible for your partner’s happiness. If they love you that why would you need to change into someone who is not true to you.